My wife

Author: Solanki

My wife died last winter. It’s horrifying nearly sleeping alone in my bed, the bed that we both once shared, and in every moment and then, feeling her presence beside me as if she has laid down that delicate, warm body of her on my bed, like the past days, and her soul not wishing to leave me at all, or make me feel lonely at times. It’s going to be one year tomorrow since her death, the day when she died out of a serious disease. We didn’t have enough money then, to treat her illness so she died. It was all my fault, I knew, but she accepted it in a positive way and sacrificed herself so badly. It will make me feel more lonely and isolated cause it always makes me feel she goes further away from me as every day passes. It’s twelve-thirty in the night, and I am still awake, my eyes big, wide-opened. I hear her voice suddenly, breaking the sheer silence at the moment, which I desperately wanted because I do not like the sound of nothingness ringing in my ears. I could hear her say in that usual husky voice, “I have to go”. I could not believe so, that she is saying something like that, so I tried to concentrate on what she was saying. Yeah, I heard it right. But why would she say so? Without being a pinch of afraid, I asked her, “Darling, what are you saying?”She stopped right there. There was silence all over again when I saw a shadow past the door, moving towards the living room, downstairs. I got up immediately, followed it down the stairs to the living room when I saw something for which I couldn’t believe my eyes. There’s a woman standing in front, her back faced towards me. She turned slowly. That’s my wife. Anna, I called out her name. Tears rolled down my eyes. She was wearing the same white and pink dress she wore at the time of her death, last words she whispered to me, holding my hand, was “I love you.” Her face was paler, and her eyes deep black. She pointed her finger to my back and I turned over to see a letter, pinned to my curtains in the window. I took it out and read it in my mind. It went on something like this, “Dear, I know you love me and miss me desperately, but I have to go, my soul cannot stay with you for all the time. It hurts, you know, it pains terribly when I cannot leave this earth only because you think and feel about me every time. I have to go, I can’t bear this anymore.” Tears rolled my eyes again as I finished reading this, but I realized that she can’t leave me cause I can’t live without her. When she could accept her own death, why can’t I accepted it and let her stay peacefully wherever she stays? I stepped back and wiped my tears. I looked back, there is no one. She is gone, understanding that I have learned to believe the truth, and now that she knows it, she can rest in peace for the rest of her journey.

Author: Solanki


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